PREFACE:
In 2004 as I watched the movie The Passion of the Christ, I experienced a visceral reaction to the scene when Jesus commanded Peter to put his sword down. It felt like my breath had been knocked out of me; I wanted to scream. When the guards came for Jesus, I had almost jumped out of my seat in an attempt to protect Jesus at the same time Peter did. “Put your sword down, Peter!” No! I thought. Why? Until then I had not realized how much I empathized with Peter’s God-given passion to protect others – and – later with how that God-given passion to protect, to rescue has the potential to stifle the growth and recovery of both myself and others when the reactions and subsequent actions it produces are not combined with God-given wisdom.
I’ve been pondering the experience for years now and have finally written the following piece. Most of what I present regarding the events around Peter’s denial of Jesus can be found within the four Gospels. What is not found in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John is why Peter denied his Lord. None of us knows the answer. With that said, I believe that Scripture – via the Holy Spirit who lives within us – speaks to each of us as individuals. Since God understands and knows each of us intimately, the Holy Spirit may bring you a different insight as to why Peter denied Jesus – something that will enhance your life. I’m looking forward to your share – and – I’m looking forward to meeting Peter to find out where he was coming from on that day.
Love,
Pam
PS Almost every night of the 43 years we’ve been married my husband, Phil, reads novels to us. Since he enjoyed the following piece and has shared it with others, and because I so thoroughly enjoy his narration skill, I have asked him to present it in audio format within this post. I think you’ll enjoy him too!
PUT IT DOWN!
“Put it down!” he emphatically commanded.
I put it down – shocked that he told me to do it. Slowly. Very. Very. Slowly. When it finally reached the ground, I watched helplessly, hopelessly, powerlessly, as they took him away.
I wandered around in a trance-like state somewhere close to the place where they had taken him. My legs were moving but I wasn’t aware of where they were taking me. I must have been bumping into people as I walked aimlessly through the crowd. When my body finally sat me down, an extremely agitated man looked directly at me yelling, “You were with that man!” Others nearby quickly joined the inquisition. Still in a trance-like state, in a barely audible voice, I said, “No, I do not know the man.”
The moment those words fell out of my mouth, he was passing by me. The guards aggressively held onto him allowing those in the crowd to hit and spit on him. Weird! Just a few hours earlier this gentle, beautiful, courageous man had lovingly and compassionately healed the ear I had completely chopped off their comrade’s head. Why hadn’t they taken me instead? Why are they treating him so cruelly? As he passed, his eyes gazed deeply into mine – so deeply that I turned away. I couldn’t – I didn’t want to – face him. I wanted to scream, “I tried to protect you! How can I protect you now?” – but I did not. I should have seen this coming! I had warned him not to come here. His response? As he hugged me, he said, “Get behind me, Satan!” What the hell? I asked myself, why would that tyrant want to protect him from dying? It hated him!
I’ve heard from various sources that many have heard about this history-making event and have concluded that I denied knowing him that day because I feared my accusers or the soldiers that roamed about waiting . . . wanting. . . an excuse to use their whips. No!! No!!! NO!!!! Please! Bring it on! I hadn’t feared anyone! Those rumors would have died quickly if those who heard them had done their research! My reputation for being impulsive, rash, and bold is well documented.
On that day, however, I would have let them whip me; I would have let them kill me. My life was over! Yes! On that day I did deny him! I truly did not know the man with whom I had spent the last few years. The man whom I had grown to deeply love. The man who had encouraged me stand for the oppressed!
On that day, when he had commanded me to put down my sword, I was terrified by what some call a crisis of identity. I could no longer experience myself. Who am I without my sword?! I desperately needed to know but was terrified of the answer! Who AM I if my passion to protect the weak with aggression and with boldness is no longer useful or needed? WHO AM I IF I AM NO LONGER NEEDED TO PROTECT MY LORD? Putting that down – the very thing I had depended upon to define ME? I lost it. On that day, I lost my life!
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN!
A few years have gone by since then. I can now perceive what I could not back then: By breaking me he forced me to see myself as more than Peter, the protector of the weak; or as Peter, the fighter for justice. That fragmented and limited view of myself kept me from experiencing moments of physical rest and internal peace. It kept me from the joy of genuinely connecting with others. It kept me from experiencing myself just as I am – fully and deeply loved by the man who had commanded, “Put down your sword, Peter!”
He had said to me once, “But what about you, Peter? Who do you say I am?”
Because of that day, today, I emphatically proclaim with a heightened passion and boldness:
JESUS, YOU TRULY ARE THE MESSIAH, THE SON OF THE LIVING GOD!
Phil’s Narration of the piece:
I hope you join me next time when I’ll be sharing my take on how a broader perspective of what Jesus commanded me to do on that day has everything to do with: I had warned him not to come here. His response? As he hugged me, he said, “Get behind me, Satan!” What the hell? I asked myself, why would that tyrant want to protect him from dying? It hated him!
Love,
Peter
Back to Pam:
The scene that inspired my writing . . . https://youtu.be/tuYtxfnHOYk?si=I_UBPFtksxM-3h7H
He’s Alive!! Peter’s Denial – Jesus’ Embrace (Don Francisco with Lyrics) . . . https://youtu.be/70qk6tLHht4?si=_0CzsdEfBp9QDn61